Jalapeno

The classic thick-walled hot pepper--just plain jalapeno. Not early, not late, not small, not extra hot nor mild, not the huge spicy version popular in Texan cuisine, doesn't wear a special hat, drive fancy cars, or try to sign you up for multi-level marketing at holiday family gatherings. Doesn't discuss politics, want to borrow money, or ask to borrow your car, then return it with an empty tank. Reliably puts out no-nonsense, medium-sized (2"-3") dark green fruit on 2'-3' tall plants with medium spiciness midseason. Matures to medium bright red with a touch of sweetness in addition to the heat, although it is usually used when green. No problems with sunscald, purple tinting when green, window tinting, or mooching your Wi-Fi to obsess about Tintin (more of an old world thing, anyway). Immune to Vikings (not the football team). Susceptible to massive asteroid impacts. Is likely to perform better on space stations and Mars than mangoes and banyan trees. Wants to be in your salsa. Free of gluten, dairy, tree nuts, ground nuts, doughnuts, nuthatches, pelicans, kiwi birds and all other land and waterfowl, flightless or otherwise. Doesn't care if you put a virgulilla over its 'n' or not; it's that kind of pepper: no-nonsense. Plant it and let it make peppers, enjoy, and like everything else on the exchange, reoffer if you can.